(Scroll down for English)
今日在Yoga Barn上了一個名為Relearn Love的Workshop，講者是Eri Kardos，關係專家，曾在Amazon做Leadership training，寫過書，上過Ted talk。
她認為關係中的磨擦，其中一個原因是彼此沒有看見對方，只看到表層然後快速做出反應而忽略了底層的心理機制，許多時候不解和爭吵就是這樣發生。
只有我們不急著給反應，而是去感受和理解對方，然後好好表達和協調，一段關係才能走的更遠。
她提出，可以嘗試把經營一段關係變成再玩遊戲（It’s all a game)。
我們可以改變遊戲規則，放下所謂的應該和批判。
例如把批判轉換成好奇心（Turn judgement into curiosity).
遇到不舒服的事情先不要批判，反而是邀請對方表達對事情的想法，
然後改寫規則，一起商量一個彼此都能接受的處理方式。
這堂relearn love，與其說是重新學習愛別人，我覺得是重新學習愛自己。
其中一位參加者分享到，她連自己需要什麼都不知道，她要學習好好聆聽與表達自己的需求
另一半才知道要如何對待她。
人的行為和語言受過往成長經歷形塑，對方只是一面鏡子。
要改變行為模式，就需要改變我們的認知與narrative。
Today, I attended a workshop at The Yoga Barn called “Relearn Love.” It was led by Eri Kardos, a relationship expert who previously did leadership training at Amazon, authored a book, and gave a TED Talk.
She explained that friction in relationships often happens because we fail to truly see one another. We focus only on the surface and react too quickly, completely missing the underlying psychological mechanisms. This is how so many misunderstandings and arguments begin.
A relationship can only go the distance when we step back from reacting hastily. Instead, we need to truly feel and understand our partner, and then express ourselves and compromise mindfully.
She suggested that we can choose to view nurturing a relationship as playing a game (“It’s all a game”). We have the power to change the rules of this game, letting go of expectations and judgements.
For instance, we can turn judgement into curiosity. When something uncomfortable happens, we can pause our judgment and instead invite our partner to share their perspective. From there, we can rewrite the rules together, finding a way forward that feels right for both people.
Rather than learning how to love someone else, this “Relearn Love” workshop felt more like learning how to love oneself. One participant shared that she didn’t even know what her own needs were. She realized she must learn to deeply listen to herself and express her needs clearly so her partner knows how to support her.
Our actions and words are shaped by our past upbringing; our partner is simply a mirror. To change our behavioral patterns, we must first shift our awareness and our inner narrative.
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